Some friends met regularly at a joint every day to hangout and chat. After some time, one of them noticed that their gathering was mainly characterised by complaints about the same issues over and over.
“Guys, does it not seem that we keep rehashing the same old issues again and again?” He asked quizzically.
One of his friends quickly retorted, “But they are issues that affect us, now? Can’t you see what I would have become today if…” he went on. Another picked it up from where he stopped and so the complaint continued.
The first man then spoke again. This time, he told a joke and they all laughed. He surveyed their mood for a while before continuing. In the middle of his talk, he slotted in the same joke. This time only a few laughed. Some gave him a weird look. Ignoring their reaction and preventing a rebuttal, he burst on talking and then inserted the same joke a third time. No one laughed.
“Guy, you dey ok?” one of his friends asked with a concerned look written all over his face.
“I am glad you asked my dear friend,” he responded. “I have told the same joke only three times. Each time, it loses its effect on you. So I really wonder why you have not stopped to ask yourself if you are OK. What exactly do you gain from continuing to complain about the same issue over and over again?”
Think about it.
The person who merely complains about the same issue but takes no action to remedy it is in a worse mental state than the actors causing the issues. If you want to improve your brain capacity, act more in the direction of solving the problem than on complaining about it.
In many schools, the staff room is no different from a hair salon. Staff rooms with toxicity always produce inefficient teachers who bear a sense of entitlement and cripple many of the school’s initiatives and attempts at progress. I know more than a few schools who have either dissolved their staff rooms or depopulated them; their teachers are required to sit in the classrooms with students. Beyond the need to control the spread of negative talks, nowadays safeguarding measures require that students be under constant supervision. Yet, certain situations or offices require the need for educators to sit together or meet regularly.
You can always tell who the leader is in a staff room – that room always carries the spirit of that leader. Are you the leader in your staff room or amongst your clique of teachers? What vibe do you air? Do you realise that your greatest contribution to your school and to the development of your colleagues might be the kind of conversations you allow and those you quickly trump?
Are you simply a contributor (active or passive) to some unhealthy conversations? Are you privy to some conversations that make you uncomfortable, yet you cannot avoid it and are afraid to speak against it so that you are not seen as rude, holier-than-thou or labelled as an informant? Trust me, I have been in such situations, so I know how it feels. Here are a few things you can do:
- Consider the complaint valid, unless you are privy to information that says otherwise, in which case you must correct the notion, except the information you are privy to is confidential. Validate the complaint first so that your next line of action can be received.
- Then ask questions to clarify the issue at hand. Is the speaker speaking from his perspective or from another’s? What evidence supports their argument?
- Next, ask questions to clarify intent. Does it seem like the complaint is a breach of contract or simply an assumed expectation by the staff? Will the school’s interest be affected positively or negatively by what is being proposed by the staff?
- Finally, ask to know what actions have been taken to tend to the complaint. If none, then suggest. If some had been taken but nothing had been done about it, ask to know how long ago. In what context were the actions taken? If done in anger, then a refusal could have been predicted. Volunteer. Make it known then that you would take some actions and you would like not to be seen as a snitch. You may even ask for some people to support you.
- If after these, the complaint continues, then respectfully ask that such conversations be had in your absence – you would not be a part of it and if they wouldn’t mind, they should please excuse you.
Truth is, playing the victim makes you have a defeatist mindset about life. I never let my mind accommodate that thought – whether about my place of work or the country I live in. I would rather act than complain – so that when I get to a place of leadership, I can be sure of a team of staff who are actors rather than back-biters.
Got questions, need advice or you have a story/experience to share? Pour your thoughts in the comments box. Let’s create a family on this page.
