….Hellos, hot mics, and other things we owe each other online.
There’s something that’s been bugging me for a while and I just thought to share it with you. I trust you to tell me the truth if I’m overreacting or not.
So recently, I started paying closer attention to how people relate with other people online. Especially when they get into your DMs. It seems to me like the art of something as simple as greeting someone before starting a conversation with a person you barely know is fast becoming a lost cause. Digital courtesy—or rather, the lack of it these days—has got my eyes twitching.
So… what’s Digital Courtesy?
Digital courtesy (or netiquette, if you like fancy words) simply means using good manners and showing respect when you communicate online.
Very simple definition, right? You’d think people would remember it and just… do it.
Apparently not.
Imagine coming to my house, knocking on my door, I open it… and you just walk past me, sit on my couch and start talking.
Excuse me?
Especially if you’re a complete stranger. Weird, right?
Actually, it can’t even happen because how exactly would you get in?
That’s exactly how I feel when someone lands in my DM with no “Hello”, no introduction, no context. Just straight into the conversation like we’re halfway through it already.
Or better still…
“Join this WhatsApp group.”
Link, nothing else.
Really?
It takes an impressive level of confidence to assume someone would click a random link and join a random group simply because it landed in their inbox.
Let’s be for real please.
A simple, “Hi, I came across your page and thought you’d be interested in this community…” goes a very long way. We promise we’re not charging for greetings.
Then there’s the people who decide a video call is the perfect first interaction.
Why?
How?
Who approved this?
There are friends who can video call me without warning and I’m perfectly fine with it.
Why?
Because they’re my friends.
We’ve earned that level of access.
But an acquaintance? Or someone I’ve exchanged exactly three messages with?
Please explain the confidence.
Because what if I’m in the middle of something? What if I’m outside? What if I’m looking like I fought sleep and lost?
Can we build the relationship first before you FaceTime me like we’re cousins?
Another table…
Some of you join group calls, you’re not speaking, but your microphone is on.
Meanwhile, your television is preaching.
Someone is frying plantain.
A baby is crying.
Your neighbour has started renovating their entire apartment.
And somehow… we are all invited to experience it.
Courtesy!!!
If you’re not speaking, just mute yourself.
It’s one tap.
One.
People are trying to follow a conversation, but every few seconds we’re interrupted because your environment has become the unofficial soundtrack of the meeting. Then someone has to stop everything to ask, “Please, who’s unmuted?”
Now everyone’s time has been wasted.
Since we’re already here, can we quickly discuss a few other things?
Those 7-minute voice notes.
If it’s something that could comfortably fit into six lines of text, why am I opening a podcast episode? And don’t even get me started on sending three voice notes because the first one wasn’t enough.
Except it’s absolutely necessary, type it. Some of us are in places where we can’t exactly announce to the room, “Hold on everyone, let me listen to this exclusive audio.”
Then there are the midnight texters.
Please, unless the building is on fire, someone is in labour, or you’ve somehow won the lottery in my name… why are we having this conversation at 1:43 a.m.?
Yes, people can mute notifications. That’s true.
But maybe… just maybe… we can also respect that not everyone is awake when we are.
And while we’re talking about messaging…
Can we stop replying with just “👍🏽” or “Ok” to questions that clearly deserve an actual response?
If I asked, “Are you available on Saturday afternoon for the meeting?”
How exactly am I supposed to interpret “👌🏽”?
Is that yes?
No?
Maybe?
You’re wishing me safe travels?
Help me help you.
Oh… and screenshotting private conversations.
Why are we doing that without permission?
If someone shared something with you privately, maybe… just maybe… keep it private unless they’ve said otherwise.
It’s called a private chat for a reason.
Then there’s tagging people in completely unrelated posts.
Every notification raises hope.
Only to open it and discover someone tagged you under a giveaway for cat food.
Meanwhile, you don’t even have a cat.
Please.
Let’s all calm down.
Courtesy extends to the digital space and no, you shouldn’t leave your manners beside your bed—or wherever you’re typing from—and suddenly become a different human being because there’s a screen between you and the next person.
Be for real.
Whew!
Now it feels like I’m shouting.
Maybe I am.
So… what’s the fix?
Thankfully, digital courtesy isn’t rocket science.
Here’s a simple checklist:
• Say hello before launching into your request.
• Introduce yourself if we’ve never spoken before.
• Ask before making a video call.
• Keep yourself muted during group calls when you’re not speaking.
• Think twice before sending that voice note. Could it be a text instead?
• Respect people’s time. Not every message needs to be sent at 2 a.m.
• Give meaningful replies when someone asks you an actual question.
• Don’t screenshot private chats without permission.
• Don’t tag people in unrelated posts just because you want attention.
• And perhaps my favourite rule of all:
communicate online the same way you’d comfortably communicate if the person were standing right in front of you.
It’s really that simple.
Some things just naturally get me worked up. Maybe because I think they’re some of the simplest things, yet they’re the ones we ignore the most.
But maybe that’s just me…
So, what do you think?
Am I the drama?
Or does this get under your skin too?
Tell me the digital courtesy crime that annoys you the most. I genuinely want to know.
See you in the comments.
Ok bye!
