I was reading through Numbers 3 when these words stopped me cold.
“Take the Levites instead of all the firstborn among the children of Israel… for the firstborn are Mine. On the day that I struck all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, I sanctified to Myself all the firstborn in Israel, both man and beast. They shall be Mine.”
(Numbers 3:41, 45; 13:2)
The firstborn belong to God.
And suddenly, I was back in that hospital exactly this day three years ago. February 22, 2023. The silence where there should have been a cry. The weight of a son I would never hear laugh, never watch take his first steps, never see grow into the man he might have become.
My firstborn son. Born still. Loved for months in the womb, but never given the chance to breathe air or see our faces.
We had already named him before he was conceived: MojeriifeJesu, a Yoruba name meaning “I bear witness to Jesus’ love.”
And now, three years later, I’m wondering if his very name became his purpose. His brief life—nine months hidden, never born into air—bears witness to something I’m still learning: that Jesus’ love extends even to what we cannot see, cannot hold, cannot understand.
The firstborn belong to God.
The words felt like comfort and question all at once. Had God taken him? Was this what “belonging to God” meant? And why do some (if not most) firstborns so often seem to struggle, to suffer, to bear burdens that others don’t?
I realized I wasn’t the only one asking.
The Biblical Pattern We’d Rather Not See
If you’ve spent any time in Scripture, you’ve likely noticed something unsettling: firstborn sons face unusual hardship.
The pattern is undeniable:
Cain (Genesis 4:1-16) – The first firstborn mentioned in Scripture murdered his brother and lived as a fugitive, marked and wandering.
Ishmael (Genesis 16:15; 21:9-21) – Abraham’s firstborn was cast out, denied the inheritance, sent into the wilderness with only bread and water.
Esau (Genesis 25:25-34; 27:30-40) – Isaac’s firstborn sold his birthright for a bowl of stew and lost his father’s blessing through deception. He lived with lifelong regret.
Reuben (Genesis 35:22; 49:3-4) – Jacob’s firstborn lost his birthright privileges through sin. Jacob’s deathbed words were devastating: “Unstable as water, you shall not excel.”
Manasseh (Genesis 48:13-20) – Joseph’s firstborn was deliberately passed over when Jacob crossed his hands to give the greater blessing to the younger Ephraim.
Adonijah (1 Kings 1:5-6; 2:13-25) – David’s firstborn surviving son tried to claim the throne and was executed by Solomon. Let’s not even talk about Amnon.
Egypt’s firstborn (Exodus 12:29-30) – Every firstborn in Egypt, from Pharaoh’s household to the prisoner in the dungeon, died in one night.
The firstborn occupy a unique and dangerous space in biblical narrative.
Why? The Questions That Haunt Us
If you’ve lost a firstborn child, or if you are a firstborn who has struggled under invisible weight, you’ve probably asked:
- Why do firstborns face such hardship?
- Why does being first seem to mean being tested, displaced, or burdened in ways others aren’t?
- If the firstborn “belong to God” in a special way, does that mean God takes them? Marks them? Allows them to suffer more than others?
- Why should my child—or why should I—bear this?
I need to be honest with you: I don’t have complete answers. Some of these questions will remain mysterious on this side of eternity. But let me share what Scripture does reveal, and where it leaves space for us to grieve, question, and trust even when we don’t understand.
What Scripture Reveals: 4 Truths About Firstborns
- Firstborns Represent the Principle of Grace Over Merit
Look at the pattern: God repeatedly chooses the younger over the elder.
- Not Cain, but Abel—and later, Seth (Genesis 4:25-26)
- Not Ishmael, but Isaac (Genesis 21:12)
- Not Esau, but Jacob (Genesis 25:23; Romans 9:10-13)
- Not Reuben, but Joseph and Judah (1 Chronicles 5:1-2)
- Not Eliab, but David (1 Samuel 16:6-13)
- Not Manasseh, but Ephraim (Genesis 48:17-19)
Why does God do this?
Romans 9:11-16 explains: “For the children not yet being born, nor having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works but of Him who calls… ‘I will have mercy on whomever I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whomever I will have compassion.’ So then it is not of him who wills, nor of him who runs, but of God who shows mercy.”
1 Corinthians 1:27-29 states it even more bluntly: “But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty… that no flesh should glory in His presence.”
Here’s the theological point: The firstborn represents what we are by nature—born first, entitled by birth order, possessing natural rights. But God’s pattern is to show that salvation, blessing, and calling come by grace, not by natural right or human merit.
This is puzzling theology. And it comes at a cost to those who symbolically represent “the natural man”—the firstborns.
- Firstborns Bear Unique Responsibility and Pressure
Deuteronomy 21:17 establishes the firstborn’s privilege and burden: “He shall acknowledge the son of the unloved wife as the firstborn by giving him a double portion of all that he has, for he is the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn is his.”
A double portion sounds like blessing. But it meant:
- Double the responsibility for family welfare
- Leadership of siblings and extended family
- Carrying the family name and legacy forward
- Setting the example (whether good or bad)
- Bearing parental expectations and hopes
Genesis 49:3 describes Reuben as “my firstborn, my might and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity and the excellency of power”—before announcing his disqualification. The language shows what was expected: excellence, strength, dignity, power.
That’s a crushing weight for any human to carry.
Firstborns often face:
- Parental inexperience (parents learning to parent on them)
- Higher standards (expected to lead and model for younger siblings)
- More responsibility (caring for, protecting, guiding siblings)
- Identity pressure (am I loved for who I am, or for being firstborn?)
- Firstborns Are Objects of Spiritual Warfare
Exodus 4:22-23 calls Israel “My son, My firstborn.” Immediately, Pharaoh’s hardened heart leads to the death of Egypt’s firstborns.
Herod was trying to kill Jesus—the “firstborn over all creation” (Colossians 1:15), the “firstborn among many brethren” (Romans 8:29).
The pattern suggests: Satan attacks what God values. The enemy knows that firstborns represent inheritance, continuation of line, and the fulfilment of promise.
This doesn’t mean every hardship faced by a firstborn is direct demonic attack. But it does mean spiritual warfare is real, and those who represent God’s purposes often face unusual opposition.
- Firstborns Point Us to the Ultimate Firstborn—Jesus
Every thread we’ve traced leads here.
Jesus is called:
- “The firstborn over all creation” (Colossians 1:15)
- “The firstborn from the dead” (Colossians 1:18; Revelation 1:5)
- “The firstborn among many brethren” (Romans 8:29)
Like the firstborns of Scripture, Jesus:
- Bore unique burden – The weight of the world’s sin (Isaiah 53:4-6)
- Faced death – Marked for crucifixion from before the foundation of the world (Revelation 13:8)
- Was redeemed through sacrifice – Not His own need, but becoming the sacrifice for us (Hebrews 10:10)
- Experienced displacement – Rejected by His own (John 1:11)
- Endured spiritual warfare – Satan’s direct opposition from birth to death (Matthew 4:1-11; Luke 22:53)
But unlike every other firstborn, Jesus succeeded perfectly. He fulfilled what all the others failed to fulfil.
Jesus is the Firstborn who redeems all other firstborns—and through them, all humanity.
The Questions That Remain
Even with these truths, questions linger. And I believe it’s important not to rush past them.
- If God values firstborns, why do some suffer so much?
- Why would a good God design a system where those who represent Him most directly (firstborns) face the most hardship?
- Why do some firstborns die—children who never got a chance to struggle, lead, or fulfil any purpose we can see?
- Does being “set apart for God” mean being marked for pain?
- If my firstborn son died, did God “need” him more than I did? Or was it random tragedy in a fallen world?
- For those who are firstborns and struggling—is this what our lives are meant to be? Bearing weight others don’t understand?
I don’t have answers that will satisfy the depth of these questions.
Deuteronomy 29:29 says: “The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever.”
Some things remain in God’s hidden counsel. And that’s agonizing when you’re living in the middle of the pain.
Job never got his “why.” God appeared to Job in the whirlwind (Job 38-42) and never once explained why Job suffered. Instead, God revealed who He is—sovereign, wise, powerful, good—and somehow that had to be enough.
Job’s response in Job 42:5-6: “I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”
Job didn’t get answers. But he got God Himself. And mysteriously, that proved sufficient.
For Firstborns Who Are Struggling: Know These
If you are a firstborn reading this—whether you’ve felt the weight of expectations, experienced unexplained hardship, or wondered why life seems harder for you than for others—hear these truths:
- You Are God’s Treasured Possession (Exodus 13:2)
You don’t belong to yourself. You don’t belong to your parents’ expectations. You don’t belong to the pressure to perform or lead or be perfect.
- You belong to God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). And that means:
- Your value isn’t in what you achieve, but in whose you are
- Your identity is secure in His ownership of you
- Your purpose is found in serving the One who purchased you
“You are not your own… you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
- You Have Been Redeemed (1 Peter 1:18-19)
Just as Israel’s firstborns were spared through the blood of the Passover lamb, you have been redeemed through the blood of Jesus—the ultimate Passover Lamb.
The price paid for you was the life of God’s own Firstborn Son. You are valuable beyond measure.
- Your Struggle Has Purpose
Romans 8:28: “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
I won’t pretend that every hardship makes sense or that you’ll see the “purpose” clearly in this lifetime. But I do know:
- Your suffering isn’t wasted – God can use even what He didn’t cause (Genesis 50:20)
- Your burden qualifies you to comfort others – “That we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:4)
- You Are Part of a New Family
Hebrews 12:23 speaks of “the general assembly and church of the firstborn who are registered in heaven.”
In Christ, all believers become “firstborn”—heirs of God, co-heirs with Christ (Romans 8:17).
- Your Future Is Secure
Romans 8:29: “For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.”
Jesus, the ultimate Firstborn, is bringing many sons and daughters to glory. Your present struggle is not your final chapter.
Revelation 21:4: “And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
The weight you carry now is temporary. The glory to come is eternal.
Living Between the Mystery and the Promise
Here’s where we find ourselves:
We live in the tension between what we know and what we don’t, between the promise and the pain, between trust and tears.
There are some things we know such as, “God is good” and “Death is not the end.” And there are things we don’t know such as, “why specific tragedies happen to specific people” and “Why some die young while others live long”.
And somehow, we must learn to live faithfully in that tension.
Proverbs 3:5-6 calls us to: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
Trust doesn’t require understanding. It requires believing God is good even when circumstances aren’t.
For Those Who Grieve: You’re Not Alone
If you’ve lost a firstborn child—through stillbirth, miscarriage, infant death, accident, illness, or any other tragedy—I want you to know:
Your grief is valid. Don’t let anyone minimize it or rush you through it with spiritual platitudes. You are allowed to hurt even years later.
Your questions are safe with God. He’s big enough to handle your anger, your confusion, your “why” that echoes in the night.
Asking questions does not mean you lack faith. In fact, you ask questions because you have faith.
Your child’s life mattered—even if it was brief. He or she was created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27), known by God before formation (Psalm 139:13-16), and loved.
If you named your child, speak that name. Names matter. They give identity, dignity, personhood. Your child is not “the baby we lost”—they are a person with a name, known by God and by you.
My son’s name was MojeriifeJesu—”I bear witness to Jesus’ love.” We named him before he was conceived, never knowing how prophetic that name would become. His life, though it never breathed air, bears witness to a love that transcends what we can see or hold, in ways I never expected, in ways I’m still discovering. Your child’s name carries meaning too—speak it, remember it, honour it.
My family has decided that we will remember February 22 as a Feast of Witness. Difficult as it may seem, we will throw a party and invite others not just to join the party but to join in witnessing a loving relationship with God through His firstborn son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
I will see my child again. When David’s infant son died, David said, “I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me” (2 Samuel 12:23). David had confidence that death was not the final word.
Jesus said of children: “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14). My child is in the arms of the One who spoke those words.
Closing Prayer
Father of all firstborns, we come to You with questions we cannot answer and pain we cannot fully express.
For those who have lost firstborn children: comfort them in ways we cannot. Hold them in their grief. Remind them their children are safe with You, and that separation is temporary. Give them peace that transcends understanding.
For those who are firstborns struggling under weight others don’t see: remind them they are Yours—redeemed, treasured, called. Give them strength to carry what You’ve asked them to bear. Show them their suffering is not meaningless. Lead them to the rest found only in Jesus.
For all of us living between mystery and promise: increase our faith when understanding fails. Help us trust You when we cannot trace You. Give us courage to hold both grief and hope, both questions and faith.
Thank You that we have a Firstborn who understands—Jesus, who bore the ultimate burden, died the ultimate death, and rose in ultimate victory. Because of Him, we have hope. Because of Him, death is not the end. Because of Him, every tear will one day be wiped away.
Until that day, be our comfort, our strength, and our hope.
In Jesus’ name—the Firstborn who redeems all firstborns—Amen.
