Why I Told My Staff to Stop Asking My Permission

On a particular Sunday afternoon, as students were resuming from the holiday break, I received a phone call from our hostel matron.

She had a question. A decision to make.

Some parents had arrived at the hostel with their children, ready to check in. They had all the required documents, all the items on the checklist—except one critical thing.

Before resumption, all boarding students are required to undergo a medical test and bring the results to school. It’s a non-negotiable health and safety requirement. These parents claimed the test had been done, but the results weren’t ready yet. So they’d simply brought their children anyway, planning to send the results later.

The matron wanted to know: Should she allow the children into the hostel?

I gave her a quick response: “Of course not. No. They cannot be allowed into the hostel. They should leave all the children’s belongings, go back home, and only return when the test results are ready.”

She thanked me. End of call.

But later, as I reflected on that conversation, something bothered me.

Why did she need to call me for that decision?

I called the matron and said to her:

“Come to think of it, I don’t think you should have called me for that at all. What were you afraid of?”

She explained that her first instinct had been exactly what I’d said. She knew the rule. She knew what should be done. But she didn’t want it to seem as though she’d made the decision on her own without consulting higher authority.

She needed to be able to quote me to the parent: “The principal refused.”

That’s when it hit me.

We cannot continue to run an organization where the only powerful person, the only person of influence, is the principal.

I told her:

“That’s not how I’m training you. You’re not just here to work. You’re here to learn to be a leader. You ARE a leader. You are the principal of that hostel. You are the principal in that place and at that moment. You don’t need me to give you authority. The policy is the policy. The rule is the rule. Parents must respect that. And if you take a stand and make a decision as a leader, you don’t need an authority outside your office to validate it.”

“Henceforth, since you know this is a rule and your gut tells you this is what should be done, take a stand and say no. You don’t need me. Make the decision. Then give me feedback, just in case a parent calls me.”

And sure enough, after that conversation, one of those parents did call me to seek my intervention.

I held the same position the matron had held.

More gist on that at the end of this article…

The Leadership Problem

This isn’t just about one matron or one decision.

It’s a pattern I see across organizations—schools, businesses, churches, government institutions.

Many leaders, especially in Africa, believe that all decisions, no matter how small, must be passed through them.

And the result?

• Leaders suffer from decision fatigue, spending mental energy on elementary issues that shouldn’t reach their desk
• Staff are disempowered, afraid to take initiative because “I need to ask Oga first”
• Organizations stagnate, because growth only happens from the top down
• Speed is killed, because everyone has to wait for the topmost management to give an order before they can move

If I had to approve every hostel check-in, every disciplinary action, every scheduling conflict, every parent complaint, every supply purchase—I would have no time left for strategic leadership.

And yet, many African leaders operate exactly this way.

What a Strong Organization Looks Like

Imagine an organization where, at every layer of the organogram, there is somebody who is a leader.

Not just a title. A real leader. Someone empowered to make decisions within their domain.

Even if there’s a pyramid structure, certain decisions stop at certain tables. Only a few critical decisions escalate to the topmost management.

Such an organization will be strong. It will last. It will grow.

Why?

Because each leader brings their own initiative, ideas, and growth strategies. They implement them. They innovate. They solve problems at their level. They only feed back to upper management to keep them informed, not to ask permission for every move.

There is speed and growth at each level.

But if growth only happens from top down?

If every decision must be approved by the boss before anyone can act?

Then everybody waits. Progress stalls. Initiative dies.

And that has stagnated many African organizations.

Why Leaders Centralize Decision-Making

So why do we do this?

Why do African leaders (and leaders in many other contexts) insist on being the bottleneck?

I think there are a few reasons:

1. Fear of Losing Control

If I empower my staff to make decisions, what if they make the wrong one? What if they embarrass me? What if they go rogue?

But here’s the truth: if you’ve hired well and trained well, you can trust your people to make good decisions within their domain.

And if they make a mistake? That’s a learning opportunity, not a catastrophe.

2. Ego

Some leaders need to feel needed. They need to be the hero who solves every problem, the genius whose approval everyone seeks.

But strong leaders build strong teams. Weak leaders need to be the smartest person in every room.

If your ego requires you to approve every decision, you’re not leading—you’re controlling.

3. Cultural Conditioning

In many Nigerian contexts, authority is highly centralized. The “Oga” is expected to know everything, decide everything, control everything.

But that’s not strength. That’s inefficiency masquerading as authority.

Real authority is knowing when to delegate, when to empower, and when to step back.

The Power of “I Don’t Know”

Here’s something else I’ve learned:

It’s absolutely fine to say “I don’t know.”

You are not weak as a leader if you don’t know some things.

You don’t have to know every single detail that goes into the thought processes, ideas, and strategies that produce particular results.

It’s fine to be given minimal information.

It’s fine to ask, “Who would know this better than me?”

Leadership isn’t about knowing everything. It’s about knowing whom to ask.

If my staff come to me with every operational detail because they’re afraid to act without me, I become the bottleneck.

But if they handle operational decisions, inform me of outcomes, and only escalate truly strategic or crisis-level issues? Then I can focus on what actually matters.

What I’m Learning to Do Differently

Since that conversation with the matron, I’ve been more intentional about catching myself when staff ask for permission they don’t actually need.

Now, instead of simply giving the answer, I ask:

• “What does the policy say?”
• “What do you think should be done?”
• “Why do you need me to decide this?”

Often, they already know the answer. They just want cover.

And my job isn’t to give them cover. My job is to give them confidence.

I’m also trying to model this in meetings.

In our recent Heads of Department meeting, I was deliberately passive. I said very few words. I only asked clarifying questions. I let my vice principal lead.

Because the less I’m in charge of, the better. The fewer times my decisions are required, the better.

That’s not laziness. That’s strategic leadership.

The Pyramid That Actually Works

Here’s what I’m working toward:

An organization where decisions flow like this:

Layer 1 (Frontline Staff): Handle routine, policy-based decisions. Only escalate when there’s ambiguity or a new situation.

Layer 2 (Middle Management – HODs, Coordinators): Handle operational decisions, strategic planning for their departments, staff management. Only escalate when there’s cross-departmental impact or resource constraints.

Layer 3 (Senior Leadership – VP, Principal): Handle school-wide strategy, crisis management, major policy changes, external stakeholder relationships. Only escalate to the board when there are legal, financial, or governance implications.

The Board/CEO: Handle governance, overall vision, major investments, organizational transformation.

If every decision has to travel all the way up the pyramid and back down, nothing moves quickly.

But if decisions stop at the appropriate level? The organization becomes agile, responsive, and empowered.

A Challenge to African Leaders

If you’re a leader reading this, ask yourself:

Am I the bottleneck in my organization?

• Do staff wait for my approval before taking basic actions?
• Do people say, “I need to ask Oga first” for things they could decide themselves?
• Do I feel exhausted by the number of decisions I have to make daily?
• Do I secretly enjoy being the only one who can solve problems?

If the answer to any of these is yes, you’re not leading efficiently.

You’re not building a strong organization. You’re building dependence.

Here’s what to do instead:

1. Clarify decision-making authority at every level. What can frontline staff decide? What requires a manager? What requires you? Make it explicit.
2. Train your people to make decisions. Don’t just tell them what to do. Teach them how to think, how to apply policy, how to weigh options.
3. When they ask for permission they don’t need, redirect them. “What do you think?” “What does the policy say?” “You don’t need me for this.”
4. Celebrate initiative. When someone makes a good decision without asking you, praise them publicly. Reinforce that behaviour.
5. Accept that mistakes will happen. And when they do, treat it as a learning moment, not a reason to take back control.
6. Get comfortable with “I don’t know.” Model intellectual humility. Show your team that not knowing everything is fine.

What Happened After

Remember that parent who called me to overrule the matron’s decision?

I backed the matron completely. I told the parent exactly what she had said.

The parent complied. The child returned the next day with the medical results.

And here’s what the matron learned: She didn’t need me. She had the authority all along.

Next time, she won’t call.

Next time, she’ll make the decision, inform me afterward, and move on.

And that’s exactly what I want.

Because the goal of leadership isn’t to make yourself indispensable. It’s to make yourself unnecessary.

When your organization can run smoothly without you being the bottleneck, you’ve succeeded as a leader.

Not because you’re irrelevant, but because you’ve empowered others to lead.

Reflection Questions

1. Are you the bottleneck in your organization? What decisions are you making that someone else could—and should—be making?
2. Do your staff feel empowered to make decisions, or do they feel they need your permission for everything? How do you know?
3. What would happen if you started redirecting “permission-seeking” questions back to your team? “What do you think should be done?”
4. Are you comfortable saying “I don’t know”? Or does your ego require you to have all the answers?
5. If you disappeared for two weeks, would your organization function smoothly? If not, what does that say about how you’ve built your team?

Let me know your thoughts. Have you experienced this kind of centralized decision-making culture? How have you worked to change it?