5 Things Marriage Taught Me Last Year
Reflections on love, faith, and becoming more like Christ in marriage.
Marriage is a journey that stretches you, humbles you, and teaches you lessons you didn’t even know you needed. This past year has been filled with moments—big and small—that have reminded me that love is not just a feeling, but a choice. Sometimes that choice is easy, sometimes it’s messy, but it’s always worth it.
As I look back, I realize I wasn’t just learning how to love my husband better—I was learning how to let God reshape my heart in the process.
1. Die to Selfishness
Some days, dying to self feels impossible. Exhaustion, frustration, anger—sometimes all of it hits at once. But marriage calls us to love anyway.
There were moments I had to pause and ask myself: can I choose love here too—even when I don’t feel seen, rested, or ready?
Dying to self often shows up in the smallest, quietest ways—thinking of the other person first, engaging the children, and keeping them occupied. At the same time, their father works or sits in a meeting, choosing support over convenience. It doesn’t mean you never feel tired or irritated; it means you choose love over your feelings, again and again. And over time, those choices build a love that lasts.
2. Speak Respect Out Loud
Respect is like love’s quiet foundation. Just as wives want to hear “I love you,” our spouses need to hear “I respect you.”
Simple words, sincere gestures, moments of affirmation—they matter more than we often realize. When we speak respectfully, we help our partners feel seen, valued, and secure. Marriage is strengthened in these everyday deposits of encouragement.
3. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Life is too short to go to bed angry. Some days, disagreements flare, tempers rise, and frustration fills the room. But learning to let go, forgive in the moment, or choose to push it aside is everything.
I’ve learned that holding on often costs more than letting go—and peace is sometimes the bravest choice we can make.
Not every disagreement needs to consume your heart or the night. Sometimes forgiveness is choosing peace, even before the full conversation happens. And the more you practice this, the lighter the marriage becomes—and the more space there is for love to grow.
4. Be His Strength
Marriage is about being partners in every sense. When my husband opens up completely, dropping all his guards and sharing exactly how he feels in the moment, I try to be his safe place. In those moments, I remind myself to be strong—to anchor him in truth and hope, to remind him of the deposits God has placed inside of him, and to gently point him back to God’s promises and purpose for his life.
Sometimes being strong means simply listening. Sometimes it’s encouraging. Sometimes it’s guiding. But it’s always about standing beside him, not above him, so that together we can walk through life’s storms with courage and grace.
5. Keep Jesus at the Center
At the heart of it all is Jesus. Keeping Him at the center transforms marriage from a duty into worship. When I focus on Him, I can attend to my husband with love, even when I’m annoyed or tired.
In those moments, I remind myself that I’m not loving from my own strength, but from the love Christ has already poured into me.
Looking beyond human flaws to God’s perspective allows us to love faithfully, intentionally, and sacrificially. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s a love that reflects Christ, steady and enduring.
Marriage is messy, beautiful, and sanctifying. It humbles, challenges, stretches, and teaches. And as I reflect on this year, I see clearly that love is a choice, forgiveness is a discipline, and grace is the glue that holds everything together. Christ’s love for us makes all the difference—because we love our spouses not from emptiness, but because He first loved us.
What have you been learning about marriage lately?
